Pop Scripture Songs

 

I used Grammarly to grammar check this post, because when my kids did their year-end testing last week I realized I don’t know as much as they do!!

As a child, these words awed me and even frightened me a little. But as an adult, they carry an intriguing mystery that draws me closer to their meaning.

 “For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.”  Hebrews 4:12 NLT

One mystery is that God's Word does not wait around for someone to explain it. It moves out. In all its power, it seeks to transform.  And the innocence of a child’s heart has a way of recognizing and absorbing truth before the world has a chance to distort it.

Memorizing scripture is powerful.  Storing up God’s Word in the hearts of our children is an investment.  We can equip them with the truth they will certainly need to divide right from wrong, good from great.  Our family is excited to share http://popscripturesongs.com/ with your family.  We've had so much fun making this music as a family. We hope you will have fun memorizing scripture together too.

Angels On the Farm?

"Thank you for the beautiful music," her text read. My neighbor sent that text at 12:42 a.m. The next morning when I saw it, I assured her we had been asleep. She said she was just sure it was Danny and the kids singing. She had taken her dogs out late that night, heard the sound and stood outside to listen.  "I thanked God for the beautiful night sky, wonderful neighbors and the music," her text continued.  That was three months ago.

I wondered myself from where the music had come. There is only one house close to ours. I know sound carries and I know it could be explained away.  I laughed it off until she heard it again. Sometimes the boys in my family drag the drum kit outside, plug up the amps and go for it. But we don't do that at night. And they haven't played music outside in a long time anyway. So I reiterated that it wasn't us. But she said:  “Are you sure? I was facing your house and it was coming from your way.” When I assured her that we had already gone to bed about an hour before she heard the music, she said, “Well it was the strangest thing! The minute the music stopped, the lights in your house went out. So I went back inside.  It sounded just like Danny and the songs he sings with your kids.”

This came up again when some gals from our little community got together last week. Another neighbor said she hears the music too. She said if she goes outside late at night she sometimes hears singing. "It's coming from your house!" she insisted. 

I'd like to think there are angels singing over us. That our neighbors are being blessed by something we can't explain. I don't really know because I've never heard it. But I know this: Often in the Bible, God's presence is manifested through visits by angels.  Zephaniah 3:17 says,
"The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”

Some time ago, Danny called me while on a trip in Australia. The reception was bad and he was kind of shaken up.  All he said was, "Cindy, angels are singing over us." That was six years ago and we are just now beginning to see a glimpse of the vision God was revealing for our family. We have been recording an album over the last 10 months. Much of the vocals were done here on the farm.  These are scripture memory songs.  So I can't help but think that all that scripture being sung in our house, is bringing the presence of the Lord.

One other thing. And I will finish with this. Our youngest son (who is very musical and sings all the time) pulled me aside this summer. With tears in his eyes he said, "Mama, when I sing I can hear angels singing with me. It is so wonderful that it makes me cry." A couple days later, I took this photo. It reminded me that God assigns His angels to watch over us.

So there you have it! I don't know exactly what is going on around here or what my neighbors are hearing. But I know the time on this farm is special. It has been a place for our family to be set apart these three years. We have grown in our love for Christ, for each other and for the people God has placed in our path. So I have no desire to try to explain it away. Much like my neighbor, I'm just saying, "Thank you."

The Path

A path into the woods extends an invitation that no other option in my day offers. It beckons me to step inside a place that is outside. A place I walk alone. And the farther I venture, the less I hear the voices I've left behind. Now I am hearing leaves underfoot and branches bending under the tiny feather weight of a bird resting to investigate my passing. My steps persist and I am aware of the silence. In the silence my spirit quickens to the slightest movement. Soon I am noticing tiny changes. I hear breath where I had not known any life existed...until I walked the path.

That path is what prayer is like to me. It is an invitation to see life that I will not experience any other way. Having a conversation with God, I am soon hearing His voice instead of my own. I am going inside a place that is outside of myself. That slight movement is God's attentiveness. And those changes are the working of His Spirit on the one I for whom I am praying.

The temptation is to turn back. Voices are calling, there is work to be done. I stand on the edge of that path and unless I have fully entered, I will see no difference.

Needful Things

I love making New Year's resolutions. Not too fond of keeping them. I am a starter. I have countless sewing and craft projects waiting patiently for me in nice little boxes. My head is full of farming practices that I want to fit into the second half of our school year. I always have a number of colorful, curling bookmarks peering out from books sitting on flat surfaces around my house. They call to me as I walk from room to room, "Just one page. Pick me up and feast your eyes on what I am holding inside."

So today, like all January ones, I am laying out the things I really need for a new year. I need God's Word to light my path. When I slow down to read it, I am drawn away from my scattered yet fun pursuits back to the one that matters most. My highlighter with it's ever-ready book marks. Because I will always read more than one book at a time and I will need to go back and reread inspiring discoveries. My personal journal. Someday a distant relative will discover there was an old lady in her past who shared her dreams to change the world. A small box to hold cards listing the names and needs of those I pray for. And lastly a book of memories for each child. Occasionally I pick up these books and jot down a memory too precious to let time push aside. I am discovering that many characteristics I noticed in my children as toddlers are proving to be foundational to the persons God is developing them to be. Keeping these books was wise advice given me from a wise friend.

So what do I want to do with this stack of stuff? I want to slow down to meditate and memorize the parts of scripture that arrest my heart. I want to write, write, write my love to my children. I want to read an hour a day, farming books mostly. I want to learn new things and try new things and start new projects that I don't have time to finish. I want to get every drop out of this precious life I have been given.

More on Listening

Capturing my thoughts has been like trying to catch that piece of paper that escapes when you open your car door. You really need it. But you don't want to look like an idiot running around the parking lot grasping for it.

I've had a difficult time with words this past year. So I was thinking...maybe God just wanted me to listen in 2010. Today it hit me. That wasn't listening. That was just prep time. God has been getting me ready to listen. My life has changed much in a year. Distractions have been removed. My life has slowed down. Things are more simple.

Remember how Zechariah heard the very voice of God in the temple? He knew his son was a prophet. He knew the Messiah was on the way. But he was not allowed to tell any of it. Can you imagine the pressure that was taken off Zechariah? He didn't have to run tell the world. He couldn't. So he just listened. I bet he heard more in that 9 months than he did his whole life!

God is teaching me to resist the urge to respond with my mouth so I can learn to listen with my heart. And it took me a year to even see what He is doing.

Waves and Breakers

It was so hard to hear those words. Harder still to see the pain on his face. I haven’t seen sin work that hard on a person in at least 10 years. When we have to wear our sin for others to see, it is so harsh. So harsh. I tend to hide a lot of mine because it is so devastating to the self I have made. But today I saw myself in that raw response to sin.

Today I watched someone I love suffer.

It was the kind of suffering that can only be explained by the Fall of Man. The kind that kicks your butt before you realize you’ve been had. Do you remember the first time that kind of sin entered your life? It sucks you in before you realize it is evil. It’s like that wave on the shore that knocks you down before you get a good look at it. You are having fun, playing in the surf. Then WAM! You are swallowing bitter salt and don’t know which direction is up. At that moment you are only under two feet of murky water. But it feels like 10. If you have been to the beach, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Oh, I saw sin like that today. He didn’t know which way was up. He needed help getting out. Who do you know who needs a hand today? Give him Psalm 42:7.

Complacency

That pile of leaves hides what's going on. Underneath I know there is a mess. But I don't even want to bother looking until the weather changes. Two years ago the herbs, flowers and butterflies were in abundance. Last year? Not so good. I did not clean out the signs of danger I saw creeping up in the spring. Summer's heat advanced and the vines and weeds crept through my flowers and I couldn't tell the good from the bad. Now I try to pull up one thing and it is so intertwined with another that I can't see what I am doing. I am not prepared and cannot uproot the bad junk by hand.

I see strongholds like vines. They are entangled and give strength to one another. It's hard to tell what's there. After years of growth, there is such a mess. God, please separate the roots. Pull them apart. Help us to see them for what they are. Identifying each variety is only the beginning. Mustering the strength to pull them out by the root must come next. Finally, we must prevent their return. Daily we stand over the garden of our soul and survey the ground for signs of reappearing strongholds.

Envision the beauty that spring can be. The surface of my heart, my marriage, my home will be like the surface of my flower garden, smooth and clean. Sunlight will filter in between the leaves and buds. It finds a place to land because the junk is gone. The warmth spreads giving life and growth to all it reaches. The ground is so clean we could easily spot new growth of unwanted vines. Will we be aware? Will we notice them before they choke out the colors of all that is good? The roots hidden in darkness must not be given the freedom to intertwine and choke out all we hold dear.

Where are these strongholds? Under dead leaves of complacency.

The Wall

There are words everywhere. Words of comfort, words of promise, words of that offer strength. I stand transfixed to the words all over my bathroom wall. There are quotes from books and everyday people. I see truth from God's Word. All shimmering like gems that caught my attention on a dark day.

In desperation I have thrown all of my heart and what's left of my hope onto those walls. Some of the words are written in smooth, flowing letters. I was hope-ful that day. Other are written in mismatched script. I scribbled through tears as I stretched to reach an unmarked spot on the wall.

All those words were written as I stood on the stepstool of my faith. That step raised me to reach places I could not reach on my own. When I wonder where He is, I go back and read the wall.

My Argument

Ok, so I get up from writing that last post and walk upstairs to loud craziness. I say, "Please get out of the kitchen so I can fix lunch!" I am not smiling. I am not doing all those things I so poetically typed out 10 minutes ago. Why do I have to be so human?? I start presenting my argument to God and it sounds something like this...

Well, that blissful, simple life was easy because I was ALONE...and on the other side of the world...and it was only for two weeks. I wasn't being interrupted. Heck, if anyone spoke to me on the street, I couldn't understand them anyway! God says, "That was a gift, a time to reset your priority clock." So back to Matthew 6 I go with God to work on my attitude. Just thought I'd post this in case anyone reads that last post and mistakenly thinks I have it all figured out.

It's So Simple

Is it easier to trust God when you live simply? I would be willing to bet it is.

Last week I was enjoying the afternoon at the Laurel Ridge Farms. All the kids were occupied and I found myself alone. If I stood where the sun was shining, I could forget that it was freezing cold two steps to the left in the shade. I made a point to close my eyes, turn my head up and enjoy that moment. God quietly whispered, "You can always live like this if you want. You can find the sunny spot and step into it." He brought this picture to mind that you see here. This is my friend's apartment in China. For a week last summer, I helped her with her toddler and new baby. It was so simple. I did laundry on the balcony! Can you see the washer in the picture? Her dryer was on another balcony. When I stepped out there, I could see lots of other people doing life. It was easy to stand there and pray for the city as I observed people doing their own laundry, feeding babies, exercising, watching tv. I walked to the market alone and took in the sights around me. For a week I didn't think about anything stressful. Why bother? My problems and worries where on the other side of the world! (No, I am not talking about my family!) The following week I worked in the orphanage with Danny and Noah: get up, walk to work, play with kids, eat dinner, spend time with friends, go to sleep. It was simple and it was beautiful. Other than my annual silent retreats, I have never experienced that kind of mental rest.

So, I am soaking up the sun and the simple moment and God says, "Remember the simplicity you love and miss about being in China? I offer that here, but you don't seem interested." How do you expect me to recreate that? I ask. "Live in today," He says. "Remember Jesus' words in Matthew 6 that no one seems to take seriously? But seek ye first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

"Focus on something else...MY kingdom. Not yours." God is saying. "Stop focusing on what you don't have. Stop trying to figure out solutions for tomorrow's unknown. Live in today. Be present in the lives of the people I have put in front of you. Don't squander these precious things about today (kid produced puppet shows, endless questions, doing your laundry indoors). If you can grasp the beauty in that, and fully engage in today, you will understand what I mean in Matthew 6." Sounds pretty simple, doesn't it?

Streams in 2009

Remember that recent post I finished with..."When I put it like that, how could I ask Him to stop"? I have to admit, I was really hoping to see a shift in circumstances when I wrote that. I had been secretly planning to hand over my copy of Streams in the Desert to someone else in need. Well, guess what I read today...because I had to??? Yeah! And it will prove to be as tangible in '09 as it was in '08.

Mrs. Cowan opens with Deuteronomy 11:11 and 12. I love these of words of scripture; "the land...you are to take possession of...drinks rain from heaven." I love it because that is what I am learning to do. I can't get what I need in my own strength. God is teaching me the beauty and necessity of solitude wherein I can receive my supply from heaven.

I'll share the beginning with you here. "Today we stand at the threshhold of the unknown. Before us lies a new year and we are going forward to take possession of it. Who knows what we will find? Or what new experiences or changes will come our way? What new needs will arise? Inspite of the uncertainty before us, we have a cheerful and comforting message from our Heavenly Father..."The Lord your God cares for it, the eyes of the Lord ...are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end." No wonder I have been happy with anticipation today. God knows what my year holds. His eyes are already seeing what I am waiting to get a glimpse of.

Tonight I was reading the blog of someone I have been praying for. She posted the complete entry from Streams in the Desert today. It is here if you would like to read it. Thought it was cool to see someone else being strengthened by this today.

Happy 2009

Making lists I will loose. Reading four totally different books at the same time. Deciding at 10pm to paint a room. These are a few of my favorite things. I call myself unorganized. Beth calls me a dabbler. I like that. I have embraced that persona ever since it reached my ears. "Yes," I thought, "I am a dabbler!" Sure sounds better than starter of many projects, finisher of few. But what do you do when you love eclectic and modern? Clutter and cleanliness? Quilting over vacuuming? Heck, I can't even pick a favorite color and stick to it!

In 2009 this dabbler will try to hone in on a few choice resolutions. Of course, I cannot tell you what they are. I would then be accountable for my actions and called on the carpet for dabbling. Mitzi, I am hoping you are reading this and formulating a plan of action for my inconsistent behavior!!

Last night we had s0me friends over for New Year's Eve. We each wrote down something we hope to see God do in 2009. My intent is that the person taking home a request will pray for that individual throughout the coming year. Even though I knew I was going to spring this on our guests, I had a hard time figuring out what I would write on my own 3x5 card. "But of course," you are saying..."you can't even figure out what book you want to read this month!" And you are right. I want to see God do so many things that I cannot seem to narrow it down to just one request. I've been in my pajamas all day, so I have taken some time to reflect on '08 and ponder '09. Here is what I came up with. So, if you happened to have drawn my card last night, you got alot more to pray about!

I want to speak positively about myself and to my children and husband.
Encourage our children to develop their own daily Bible reading habit.
Organize my time, our house and our homeschool day.
Recognize the needs of others and respond like Christ.
I want to pray with passion, believing the One who listens will act.
Consciously put myself in a position to hear God daily.

When I inventory my life, these are things that are important to me. But I am compelled to ask God to narrow my focus, show me what He wants for me this year. I don't think He expects me to do all these things perfectly just because it is a brand new year at my spot on the globe. He wants more for me than I even want for myself. God knows what's coming in 2009. So I want Him to turn my attention; make His concerns my concerns . May I remember to get up each morning and say, “Here is a brand new day, a blank page. God, what do you want me to do with it?"

The Treasures of Darkness

What circumstance in your life right now would you trade if given the chance? I read something in Streams in the Desert this week that caused me to reflect on recent hardship with gratitude. It was about lace spinners in Brussels working in the dark, alone in tiny rooms with only a narrow window to cast light directly on the pattern they are weaving. The beauty and value of the art comes from the darkness in which it was created.

"Sometimes the darkness in our lives is worse, because we cannot even see the web we are weaving or understand what we are doing. Therefore we are unable to see any beauty or any possible good arising from our experience. Yet if we are faithful to forge ahead and we do not give up, someday we will know that the most exquisite work of our lives was done during those days when it was the darkest." Cowman

This month marks one year Danny and I have been on a tough financial journey. We are still on that train, so I can't wax eloquent about how we did it. We are doing it. I can't believe I am saying this, but I wouldn't trade this past year. Oh, there have been dark days. But we are not totally in the dark. God has allowed us glimpses into how He desires to shape us into people He can use. What God is teaching us about Himself, ourselves, money, faith, holding on, I don't think could have been learned any other way. This has been a year of rapid growth. It's like what Job said, "My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you." We may have another year of it. I hope not. But in light of how we have learned to lean, wait and abide; how our kids now view God's faithfulness, the miracles they have observed weekly; I can't really do anything but continue to trust God's purpose in all this.

There are days I beg God for relief. He either brings it physically or he carries my spirit above it. But he has not forsaken me. So I don't think trading the path we have walked this year for one with less thorns and potholes would be a fair trade. We are in the middle of something BIG.

Isaiah 45:3
I will give you the treasures of darkness,
riches stored in secret places,
so that you may know that I am the Lord,
the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

I cannot count how many times this year I have read a passage like this and God has illuminated it right before my eyes. All around me may seem dark, but a tiny crack of trust lets in just enough insight to see with spiritual eyes. Why does God do that?? Why does He go to such lengths to make sure I get it? Because He loves me and he doesn't want me to miss what he is doing in my life. He has something wonderful for us that we have not yet been allowed to see. Why does he hide it away, while we go about our work in the dark? So that when He reveals the blessings along the path, we will will know HE IS THE LORD! This is all about him. It is not about us. It may feel like it is all about us when we are crying and fretting over earthly matters. But every time we calm down enough to dig into His Word we are reminded that we are here for His glory. And if there is one thing my family is learning this year, it is how to sit back and let God make Himself known in us. Wow! When I put it like that, how could I ask Him to stop?

The Second Light of Advent

Preparation. It isn't all that necessary to my modern day survival. If I am not prepared with dinner, I can drive a mile and find a variety of choices to feed my family. If I am not prepared for Christmas, some store will be open at the last minute. Being ill prepared for physical life naturally spills over into how prepared I am in the spiritual realm. However, a quick fix is not so readily available.

The focus of the Bethlehem Candle is preparation. Am I prepared for Christ to show up in my life? Am I in a place to hear Him when he does? Will I notice His power when it is being displayed? Even with ancient prophecies that were widely known, the people of Bethlehem were not ready for the birth of Christ. Jesus showed up in their city unnoticed. Even with that huge, bright star glaring overhead, people went about their daily business with no regard to the truth illuminating their streets. What truth or insight alludes me when I am wrapped up in things that don't really matter?

How marvelous are those times we take notice of what the Creator of the Universe is up to all around us? Isn't it great when God allows truth to illuminate the cracks in our heart? Sometimes we position ourselves to hear him. Sometimes pain and suffering have to run their course for us to recognize God's presence. When it appears our life has fallen apart, His light shines on the scattered pieces He wants to sweep up and piece back together. The end result is a heart more alive and responsive to His grace than what we started with.

Are we prepared for that kind of salvation? Or, like so many 2000 years ago, will we miss God showing up in our lives because it doesn't look like we think it should?

Fear or Love

I have been pondering this post from Candy since the day I first read it. Take a look at it. It is worth the read. I couldn't get past the thought that someone needs to hear that I am not afraid of their addictions, their struggles, their issues. My brother, who is in prison because of addiction, has struggles and issues and no one to listen. I have been afraid of these things. Afraid I won't have answers for him, afraid I will blame myself for not looking after him better when we were young, afraid that I can't fix him. I am afraid of his pain. Looking back at those sentences, I see how many times I say "I." But those things aren't mine to carry. And his story is not about me. Only the scarred hands of Jesus are equipped to hold that stuff. I am just supposed to be the love. That is it. Love. So I can remain immobilized by my fear or I can reach out to him right smack in the middle of his.

How many people cross our path waiting for us to love them? If we don't love, they might look for someone else. But what if they don't look? What if they give up? Let's be a part of the movement! Who do you need to love?

This poem is by George MacDonald:

I said, Let me walk in the field;
God said, No, walk in the town;
I said, There are no flowers there;
He said, No flowers but a crown.

I said, But the sky is black,
There is nothing but noise and din;
But he wept as he sent me back,
There is more, he said, there is sin.

I said, But the air is thick,
And smog is veiling the sun;
He answered, Yet souls are sick,
And your work is yet undone.

I said, I will miss the light,
And friends will miss me, they say;
He answered me, Choose tonight,
If I am to miss you, or they.

I pleaded for time to be given;
He said, Is it hard to decide?
It will not seem hard in Heaven
To have followed the steps of your Guide.

I cast one look at the field,
Then set my face to the town;
He said, My child do you yield?
Will you leave the flowers for the crown?

Then into His hand went mine,
And into my heart came He;
And I walk in a light Divine,
The path I had feared to see.

Little Things

When I was a kid, I loved receiving little trinkets; gifts from my mom or dad.  I found more pleasure in the little things than big, elaborate items.  I feel that way about God's gifts too. The little things are so personal.  When God meets a need or teaches me something that may seem insignificant to onlookers, I feel especially loved.  Kind of like he is saying, Nobody else notices that this is important to you. But I do.

Right now God is teaching me that I can't out give him.  Let me give you two examples. Last week we mailed $40 cash to a friend who needed gas money.  Two days later $230 cash showed up in a letter mailed to us.  No clue who sent it.  It was postmarked from a city where I know not a soul.  Today I slipped $20 into the purse of a friend I knew had a need.  No kidding, 10 minutes later, another friend handed me a bag with brand new dresses and shirts for each of my girls!

God is saying, See there?  You give when I say give and someone else might just be doing the same thing.  Now I know we don't give so that we can get something. And God doesn't always give such quick returns.  But today he is reinforcing a lesson that he has been teaching me this year about the purpose of money.

Abundance

Funny how you can pray for something for years like a flat stomach or a big bag of cash and it never comes. Yet you can pray for something really small like a heart change and God answers right away. Why is that? Oh sure, the pure heart lasts a lot longer than the money bag. But isn’t it funny how God knows what we need and when? It’s like he gives us a hint what to ask for because he knows he is about to give it to us anyway. We’ve got to have it to grow.

I have been asking God to help me tame my tongue. Why do I inevitably drift to the negative side of the pond? If I love and adore my family the way I profess, how can I be so quickly irritated by their humanness? The last few days I have been asking God (again) how to beat it.

For years when I read “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” I just assumed this meant that the mouth speaks the truth that is in my heart. If I say I love my kids yet cannot be patient with them in all things, I don’t love them enough; love is not in my heart. Right? No! This is impossible for me to accept. I know I love my family. Thus I am left unable to glean any concise guidance from that verse.

But today it happened. It was like that moment when you’re focusing the binoculars and you think, “Wait. Go back. There it was. I saw it.” I saw what I have missed all those times I have quoted that verse and questioned my love and devotion. “Out of the ABUNDANCE of the heart the mouth speaks.” Not out of truth – abundance.

I am studying the Spiritual Formation Workbook with some friends. My moment of enlightenment came when I read, “Pray for the Holy Spirit to purify your hear and mind. Then listen.” It was automatic! I asked. I listened. And I heard...My heart needs purifying. Then I recalled the Bible verse about what I say revealing what is in my heart and I realized….It’s not that my love for my family isn’t sincere. It’s that other junk is in my heart getting in the way of love. I am abundant in something not so nice and my heart needs purifying.

Now Matthew 15:11 makes more sense. It’s not what goes into my mouth that makes me unclean. It’s what comes out. I can have all the love in the world. I can feel it, see it, touch it. But then I can open my mouth and negate it. Ahhh! Now I have something I can work with.

Stirring

You know that feeling you get when God stirs your hear about something but he doesn’t reveal the whole picture? I have felt that lately about serving. I have written about serving in my own family. I have linked to some cool people serving in the ATL. I have listened to my friend who serves locally and is about to take that global. When Danny had that amazing experience at Safehouse and came home in awe of what he had just seen, I felt a little jealous that I was home with the kids while he worshipped with a hungry crowd. God reminded me that my hungry crowd is below the age of 12! Yes, I get out of the house plenty. But my point is that right now my first ministry is to meet the needs of this family I so desperately asked God to give me.

Yet God is stirring my heart about ministry. I don’t know exactly what it is. But I can tell it is something specific. I know there will be opportunities in which I will be able to serve with our kids. After all, as a mom I feel that the point of much of my service to them is to teach them how to serve others. But another facet of service is to teach me how to love. And there are billions of people out there who need some.

So I don’t know what God has in store for me. But these are the thoughts I was having when I started that last post. It just got really long and I never got around to addressing the stirring that inspired it.

I Was Made for This

When I was 10 years old I did a book report on child abuse. I can still see the cover of the Dale Evans Rogers book I found in my parents’ basement. Reading that book drew me into a reality of which I had no prior knowledge. I was disturbed by what I learned on those pages. But I can pinpoint that moment as the first time I felt love for the forgotten. As I grew older and discovered Isaiah 61:1, I knew God wanted me to be a voice for someone who had none. I remember hearing Bob Pierce’s quote, “Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God,” and thinking, “YES! That is what it’s all about!”

I wish I’d had the wisdom at a young age to lay my life before God and allow him to mold that passion. But being the control freak that I am, I conjured up ideas of how I would serve God. I dreamed that I would rescue runaways off city streets. I read everything I could find on Covenant House and even went to tour their facility in NYC after college. I can still remember stepping out of the taxi alone on the street corner and feeling like I was on holy ground. I never rescued the first runaway. But my (by that time) 15 year old passion led me to volunteer at Safehouse . I met a woman in Cabbage Town and helped her with inner city kids for a couple of years. I was involved there until I started having children. Then I felt my mission field changing.

Over the years, my passion for the forgotten of this world has grown. But it looks different as the seasons of my life change. When I did finally lay my life before God and take my hands off, he revealed just how he wanted me to serve him. That revelation came as I was being rolled out of a recovery room…holding the most perfect eight pounds of human flesh I’d ever seen. I will never forget the words that flooded my heart the first time I touched Noah. “I was made for this.” I felt the weight of those words all the way down to my toes. Yes, even with the epidural!! When his little cheek touched mine, nothing else in the world mattered. As they rolled me down the hall, I said to Danny, “I want 4 of these!”

It took me four years to have another baby. I remember feeling so angry with God. “Why did you give me this passion then refuse me more children?” I’d ask. Little did I know he was peeling back a layer of my heart to allow me to feel love through adoption. And God, in his wisdom and sense of humor, gave us another birth child as we were adopting. After completing all the paperwork to adopt from China, we became pregnant. Now we have daughters who are three days apart in age. Then another four years later, we were blessed with another birth, another boy. So I have my four. Why didn’t I say I wanted six kids that day??? God did come through. He gave me exactly what I asked for, just not the way I expected. And you know what? It’s better this way. They are all perfect. In retrospect, the timing was perfect. I wouldn’t trade the infertility issues for anything because they shaped the family we have.

A big part of my heart is in China. Other than my home, that is where I serve these days. Since I am a homeschool mom, that service has been only once a year. But God is teaching me to serve through intercession. I have a lot to learn. This requires focus and humility and anonymity. But so does being a stay-at-home mom! I really don’t think there exists a more trying job in the whole world. But when I am honest with myself, I would not trade it for any other job I could choose. Sometimes I think of other things I would like to do. And I always land on the realization that those things can be done later. God will open doors for me to serve in different areas as my kids get older. He has opened the Safehouse door for Danny and One Atlanta. When I read blogs like Drew’s and Alicia’s, I think, “I want to be involved in that too.” But I hear God saying, “In time. You are right where I want you for today.” I am a dabbler. So that is hard to hear. I want to stretch myself thin. I want too much on my plate. But every time I do it, I crash. I hear God saying, “Please let me direct this scene. Please trust me and focus on the task in front of you.” God hasn't placed so many passions on my heart for nothing. And I trust he will open doors for me to serve when the time is right.


So when I think back to the day I read that book as a 10 year old and God stirred compassion in my soul, I see that his plan was for me to raise children to know who he is and what he is all about; to instill compassion in young hearts. And if you think about it, isn’t that what everybody needs to make sense of this life and be effective in this world?

The Value of the Vision

I've been thinking about the value vision has on my everyday life. How does it affect what I do sun-up to sun-down? Like I said yesterday, some days I see it very clearly. But other days I ask, Have I veered from the center and shifted my focus to temporal things? I often don't realize how far off track I have gotten until I am skidding on gravel. My eyes get big, my hands sweat as I grip the wheel tightly to gain control.

So how do I stay focused on an eternal perspective? Probably the first thing is to quit trying to grab the wheel! God has never failed to guide me back to his path when I've asked. That is where the Presence comes in. His Presence is my center. When I am there, I receive direction, encouragement, peace. But I live in a culture that changes the signs, reminds me what I am not, laughs at my pursuit of peace. So it is vital that I seek his Presence like I seek for my kids when they have gotten out of sight at a state park. I am frantic. I don't breathe til I know they are close.

When I am in that place, the vision is crystal clear. I am reminded how and whom I am to serve. The world around me is never going to tell me that. L.B. Cowman says the value of the vision is that it equips me for service and endurance. And that is exactly what I talked about yesterday.