Monday, September 05, 2011

Intentional Friendship

Three years ago I left a gathering with friends feeling exhausted and discouraged. Driving home, this single line permeated my thoughts: "These people don't really know me and they are ok with that." I made a decision that day to evaluate my friendships. I actually made a list. I wrote down the names of friends who leave me drained in one column and the names of those who inspire, encourage and are like-minded in the other. Then I made a commitment to spend my time and energy pursuing relationships with those on the 2nd list instead of spending time with the others out of habit. This has proven to be a turning point in my life.

Three years later relationships look very different to me. I have fewer people in my life. But the relationships with these people are so much deeper. I've since moved to another state. But I am finding that the friends I intentionally spent time with are still a part of my life. Ironically, alot of the busyness I used to think was normal has melted away and intentional living has replaced it. Hmmm.

9 comments:

Kirsten said...

Love this. "alot of the busyness that I thought was normal has melted away and intentional living has replaced it". fighting the good fight to make the a reality here! And btw, you are totally stuck with this intentional friend :)

girl on a roof said...

You were on that list girlfriend!!

Amy said...

I am so glad you are writing again! And I am glad you are a part of my life. I can only assume which side of the list I was on. (Wait, I did make the list, didn't I?)

Amy said...

Oh, and my little fella sure is handsome up there on the banner. I miss him so...

girlonaroof@gmail.com said...

Haha. Yes, dear Amy you were on the right list. I remember calling you the day I made the list. :)

Stephanie Breuner said...

Good to here from you. Nice post. I wish I was able to be with you face to face more. Maybe this upcoming holiday season???

midnightbunny said...

I found your blog not too long ago, and added it to my list. Today I was able to take some time to catch up, and when I read your post it really hit home for me. I was just feeling similarly over friendships and connections in my life. I have often tried too hard at first to connect with people, no matter how they treated me. I would try and try and try to make them feel good about themselves and always be supportive, even if they never did the same for me. I'm realizing now that I do feel drained with some friends, whereas others leave me feeling refreshed and happy to just be connected with them. I see it like a garden now at this point. Take out the weeds and tend to the beautiful flowers that bloom. I think maybe I was meant to read your post today, and I'm grateful for it. You have inspired me to focus on what is important, and to be there for those who really do care and whom I feel the most happy being around. We all need to learn to trust our instincts more. Thank you for your post.

Schroeder's Girl said...

I just stumbled upon your blog when I googled intentional friendship. I'm feeling much the same way. Thanks for the post:-). I need to make a list....

John said...

Stumbled across your blog when I hit "next blog" from mine just to see what I would get, and now will have to follow yours! Sounds awesome what you are doing there in North Carolina. If you ever run into folks from the Christian Motorcyclists Association (CMA) please stop and chat with them. You should find them honest, intentional folks.
In the wind or in the air,
John "Bur" Alford
burcma.blogspot.com
creationfitness.blogspot.com