My heart has felt as dry and crunchy as the leaves in my October backyard. Busyness is my enemy. When creativity and a sense of calm are beyond my reach, I can usually lift up the blanket of a busy schedule and see them cowering beneath. I recognize their expression because it is my own. "Let me out," they chant, "I have something to say."
I just read a book on writing. Although I find the author intriguing and her advice on writing insightful, it seems to have incapacitated me. I read this stuff and immediately bucked up with, "I can't do that. I don't write that way. I will fail." But something in Streams in the Desert stirred my heart and pointed me to Exodus 3:1-2..."The vision of the Angel of the Lord came to Moses while he was involved in his everyday work. That is exactly where the Lord delights in giving His revelations."
This intrigues me because Moses' job at the time was keeping up with smelly sheep for his father-in-law. What career could be less appealing? Yet the Creator of this universe found Moses out there among the herds and revealed His plan for Moses' life.
I read this on a day I am feeling completely unorganized and utterly behind. There are moments I soar...moments when I grasp the investment of homeschooling, kitchen duties, eye to eye contact with little people. On those days I sense that my life is not the sum total of my chores, but the fine print. When I put on my glasses to better see that fine print, I am reminded of the vision God gave us for our family 12 years ago when I was pregnant with our first child. I am reminded that God has allowed Danny and I to structure our lives around that vision and I am grateful. This also inspires me to put myself in a position of listening.
The promises and revelations God gives become vital to staying on course. I need those periodic refreshers. If you have chosen the career of stay-at-home mom or homeschooler, you know what I mean. On the outside we don't come off as spectacular. Most of our days look the same. So what we are feeding our soul daily becomes the very fuel with which we carry out our calling. When God reveals something to me, the purpose of that vision is very often to equip me for the service I am called to. Service! That is what it boils down to. And that is why some days are more difficult than others. Serving is an invisible supporting role. I don't know about you, but that is not easy for me. I want to do things now, see results now. Action! I like action. It makes me feel useful and worthy.
God has to remind me that my worth is not in what I do, but in who He is. And when that sinks in, I can live with my lack of productivity on a given day. What God calls productive on those days is how I have shown my kids we deal with schedule changes or unforeseen interruptions. Do I huff and puff and rush them along? Or do I have a servant's heart?
The world will keep going, busyness will grab me again, and I will have to be reminded of all this. That is okay. God doesn't seem to mind filling me with new inspiration on the days I need it. I am grateful He shows up in everyday life.