Monday, February 02, 2009

His Picture

I want to see that picture today. Where did I put it? Think! Think! I walk around where I had it last, remembering I put it out of sight last time. I recall placing some old framed photographs in the back of the basement. Ah, I see it, peeking out from behind the others. I take it out and wipe the dust off the top.

How old is he in this picture? Seven I think. All looks well. So why can’t I look at this picture without having to glance away? Because I know something happened. I just don’t know what it was and I can’t help feeling that I could have stopped it. Oh, that is why I can’t look at the picture. I fear I let down that little boy in the frame. Will I ever know what happened? Will he ever know what happened?

Yesterday I sat in an overcrowded room of a state penitentiary and talked with my little brother over a Mountain Dew and vending machine sandwiches. This is the first time I have seen him in 9 months. The first time I could hug him in maybe two years. Strangely enough I didn’t think I would cry when he walked into view. And I didn’t. But when we hugged and my cheek rested against his cheek, and I felt the warmth of his skin, it was as if we were kids again. Only he’s taller than I now. Sorrow welled up in the shape of brimming tears. I’m sad for the years that have been stolen. I’m sad for the heartache and self-loathing he has endured. But I am happy for what God is revealing to David. It may very well change his life.

His picture is on my desk tonight. I can fix my gaze on his eyes a little longer now.

I will post more on this as I am able to put it on paper


Anonymous said...

I do pray for David every day and, as I've told you before, I really beleive that God has something special for him. I love you, sweet daughter-in-law.

Cindy said...

Thank you, Nana. I love you too.

Rich Stephens said...

Jamie & I are praying too. He's a great guy, and we are hoping and praying that he will continue to allow God to work the change in him that will bring him out from under the shadow he's been living in these many years.


Danny said...

Beautifully put, hon.