Complacency

That pile of leaves hides what's going on. Underneath I know there is a mess. But I don't even want to bother looking until the weather changes. Two years ago the herbs, flowers and butterflies were in abundance. Last year? Not so good. I did not clean out the signs of danger I saw creeping up in the spring. Summer's heat advanced and the vines and weeds crept through my flowers and I couldn't tell the good from the bad. Now I try to pull up one thing and it is so intertwined with another that I can't see what I am doing. I am not prepared and cannot uproot the bad junk by hand.

I see strongholds like vines. They are entangled and give strength to one another. It's hard to tell what's there. After years of growth, there is such a mess. God, please separate the roots. Pull them apart. Help us to see them for what they are. Identifying each variety is only the beginning. Mustering the strength to pull them out by the root must come next. Finally, we must prevent their return. Daily we stand over the garden of our soul and survey the ground for signs of reappearing strongholds.

Envision the beauty that spring can be. The surface of my heart, my marriage, my home will be like the surface of my flower garden, smooth and clean. Sunlight will filter in between the leaves and buds. It finds a place to land because the junk is gone. The warmth spreads giving life and growth to all it reaches. The ground is so clean we could easily spot new growth of unwanted vines. Will we be aware? Will we notice them before they choke out the colors of all that is good? The roots hidden in darkness must not be given the freedom to intertwine and choke out all we hold dear.

Where are these strongholds? Under dead leaves of complacency.

The Wall

There are words everywhere. Words of comfort, words of promise, words of that offer strength. I stand transfixed to the words all over my bathroom wall. There are quotes from books and everyday people. I see truth from God's Word. All shimmering like gems that caught my attention on a dark day.

In desperation I have thrown all of my heart and what's left of my hope onto those walls. Some of the words are written in smooth, flowing letters. I was hope-ful that day. Other are written in mismatched script. I scribbled through tears as I stretched to reach an unmarked spot on the wall.

All those words were written as I stood on the stepstool of my faith. That step raised me to reach places I could not reach on my own. When I wonder where He is, I go back and read the wall.

My Argument

Ok, so I get up from writing that last post and walk upstairs to loud craziness. I say, "Please get out of the kitchen so I can fix lunch!" I am not smiling. I am not doing all those things I so poetically typed out 10 minutes ago. Why do I have to be so human?? I start presenting my argument to God and it sounds something like this...

Well, that blissful, simple life was easy because I was ALONE...and on the other side of the world...and it was only for two weeks. I wasn't being interrupted. Heck, if anyone spoke to me on the street, I couldn't understand them anyway! God says, "That was a gift, a time to reset your priority clock." So back to Matthew 6 I go with God to work on my attitude. Just thought I'd post this in case anyone reads that last post and mistakenly thinks I have it all figured out.

It's So Simple

Is it easier to trust God when you live simply? I would be willing to bet it is.

Last week I was enjoying the afternoon at the Laurel Ridge Farms. All the kids were occupied and I found myself alone. If I stood where the sun was shining, I could forget that it was freezing cold two steps to the left in the shade. I made a point to close my eyes, turn my head up and enjoy that moment. God quietly whispered, "You can always live like this if you want. You can find the sunny spot and step into it." He brought this picture to mind that you see here. This is my friend's apartment in China. For a week last summer, I helped her with her toddler and new baby. It was so simple. I did laundry on the balcony! Can you see the washer in the picture? Her dryer was on another balcony. When I stepped out there, I could see lots of other people doing life. It was easy to stand there and pray for the city as I observed people doing their own laundry, feeding babies, exercising, watching tv. I walked to the market alone and took in the sights around me. For a week I didn't think about anything stressful. Why bother? My problems and worries where on the other side of the world! (No, I am not talking about my family!) The following week I worked in the orphanage with Danny and Noah: get up, walk to work, play with kids, eat dinner, spend time with friends, go to sleep. It was simple and it was beautiful. Other than my annual silent retreats, I have never experienced that kind of mental rest.

So, I am soaking up the sun and the simple moment and God says, "Remember the simplicity you love and miss about being in China? I offer that here, but you don't seem interested." How do you expect me to recreate that? I ask. "Live in today," He says. "Remember Jesus' words in Matthew 6 that no one seems to take seriously? But seek ye first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

"Focus on something else...MY kingdom. Not yours." God is saying. "Stop focusing on what you don't have. Stop trying to figure out solutions for tomorrow's unknown. Live in today. Be present in the lives of the people I have put in front of you. Don't squander these precious things about today (kid produced puppet shows, endless questions, doing your laundry indoors). If you can grasp the beauty in that, and fully engage in today, you will understand what I mean in Matthew 6." Sounds pretty simple, doesn't it?

Streams in 2009

Remember that recent post I finished with..."When I put it like that, how could I ask Him to stop"? I have to admit, I was really hoping to see a shift in circumstances when I wrote that. I had been secretly planning to hand over my copy of Streams in the Desert to someone else in need. Well, guess what I read today...because I had to??? Yeah! And it will prove to be as tangible in '09 as it was in '08.

Mrs. Cowan opens with Deuteronomy 11:11 and 12. I love these of words of scripture; "the land...you are to take possession of...drinks rain from heaven." I love it because that is what I am learning to do. I can't get what I need in my own strength. God is teaching me the beauty and necessity of solitude wherein I can receive my supply from heaven.

I'll share the beginning with you here. "Today we stand at the threshhold of the unknown. Before us lies a new year and we are going forward to take possession of it. Who knows what we will find? Or what new experiences or changes will come our way? What new needs will arise? Inspite of the uncertainty before us, we have a cheerful and comforting message from our Heavenly Father..."The Lord your God cares for it, the eyes of the Lord ...are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end." No wonder I have been happy with anticipation today. God knows what my year holds. His eyes are already seeing what I am waiting to get a glimpse of.

Tonight I was reading the blog of someone I have been praying for. She posted the complete entry from Streams in the Desert today. It is here if you would like to read it. Thought it was cool to see someone else being strengthened by this today.

Happy 2009

Making lists I will loose. Reading four totally different books at the same time. Deciding at 10pm to paint a room. These are a few of my favorite things. I call myself unorganized. Beth calls me a dabbler. I like that. I have embraced that persona ever since it reached my ears. "Yes," I thought, "I am a dabbler!" Sure sounds better than starter of many projects, finisher of few. But what do you do when you love eclectic and modern? Clutter and cleanliness? Quilting over vacuuming? Heck, I can't even pick a favorite color and stick to it!

In 2009 this dabbler will try to hone in on a few choice resolutions. Of course, I cannot tell you what they are. I would then be accountable for my actions and called on the carpet for dabbling. Mitzi, I am hoping you are reading this and formulating a plan of action for my inconsistent behavior!!

Last night we had s0me friends over for New Year's Eve. We each wrote down something we hope to see God do in 2009. My intent is that the person taking home a request will pray for that individual throughout the coming year. Even though I knew I was going to spring this on our guests, I had a hard time figuring out what I would write on my own 3x5 card. "But of course," you are saying..."you can't even figure out what book you want to read this month!" And you are right. I want to see God do so many things that I cannot seem to narrow it down to just one request. I've been in my pajamas all day, so I have taken some time to reflect on '08 and ponder '09. Here is what I came up with. So, if you happened to have drawn my card last night, you got alot more to pray about!

I want to speak positively about myself and to my children and husband.
Encourage our children to develop their own daily Bible reading habit.
Organize my time, our house and our homeschool day.
Recognize the needs of others and respond like Christ.
I want to pray with passion, believing the One who listens will act.
Consciously put myself in a position to hear God daily.

When I inventory my life, these are things that are important to me. But I am compelled to ask God to narrow my focus, show me what He wants for me this year. I don't think He expects me to do all these things perfectly just because it is a brand new year at my spot on the globe. He wants more for me than I even want for myself. God knows what's coming in 2009. So I want Him to turn my attention; make His concerns my concerns . May I remember to get up each morning and say, “Here is a brand new day, a blank page. God, what do you want me to do with it?"